Leadership, whether being the head of a family, or the head of company, is an extremely hard role. Don’t we know it? One of the most important qualities of a great leader, is “emotional intelligence”— the ability to be aware of one’s inner mind, manage this mind, and act constructively thereafter.

Without emotional intelligence, our leadership is governed by our moods and emotions. Having a bad day? Everyone will feel it. Our actions are chaotic and hurtful to our our families and our staff. So sad and so unnecessary, but common. Do you know leaders like this? Are you one of them, at times? I know I am.

An emotionally intelligent leader can monitor their moods through self-awareness, and change their moods through self-management. They use empathy to imagine what it is like to be on the receiving end of their demands, and they even deliberately act in ways that boost other people’s moods.

Richard Boyatzis and Anne McKee are my teachers in the study of emotional intelligence. In the following Harvard Business Review article, Boyatzis and McKee propose a five-part process designed for more emotionally intelligent living. This process is a part of my coaching work with individuals who want to do their best work, and bring their best selves to their lives.

We begin by imagining our 'ideal' selves and then coming to terms with our 'real" selves, as others experience us. The next step is creating a plan to bridge the gap between ideal and real. After that we live out the plan, with practice and self- reflection as our guides.

The finish up by choosing friends and colleagues to serve as our "change enforcers"—this keeps our process alive. Let’s look at the steps in more detail. Enjoy!

Primal Leadership: The Hidden Driver of Great Performance